FRIENSHIPHOOD

I'm learning that frienship isn't like a stone that if you leave it there you will still find it, it is a plant that you need to water, it dies the moment you stop caring for it. Distance does put a strain because sometimes you don't want to talk, just having your friends around to be there physically. Distance isn't to blame, there are social networks, even if they are online, there is no greeting, it's fading away like a mist, but mists fade to clear, this friendship fades to darkness. I remember how the four of us swore and made atruce that distance is nothing but a meter, maybe times 100, but still it doesn't count because love is stronger. Well it was something related to that. We tried to make movie dates, but one always cancelled, make another date to go to one of our houses but again some would withdraw. That was when I realised that with change, no matter how hard you try to make things stay the same, priorities change, even if yours don't, theirs' do. Memories are there to be a reminder, to always go through them if you want to cheer up, but these...these are just images, words are just words, you just wonder if they were meant. Especially when you realise that you are the one who always tried to make effort. When you stop, nothing and no one continues, you then begin to question. At the beginning of other new frienships you don't bother much because they are so much fun, but as time goes you realise that there is so much more that is missing, yes it's no competition, or comparison, but you realise that isn't much in common. Then I'd write in ma journal and tell, but now I write in my journal and that is it. One of those awkward moments when it is obvious that you are not on their A list, that you don't even see yourself on the Z list (if there is even one). You know you don't have real friends when you want to pick up the phone and call, you scroll through your contact list more than twice and you don't see anyone to call. I think one knows when friendship doesn't exist, but ignorance just strikes through and overshines the truth, it's little things that matter most. I sometimes wonder if perfect friends last only in movies, where people were friends since at birth, sometimes more than 10 years, and still going strong, and by perfect I mean that there are fights, but in the end they don't seem to matter. One of those moments you don't want a clean slate, because you don't know where to start or how to, but you know you are tired of old written pages. In the end, one has conclusions, but right now I don't because I believe conclusions are not endings but findings, I have not found a thing. Not confussion, just realisation!