It's within you

Just last week when the director told us to go outside and pick up something and tell a story about it. There were about eleven of us, and I picked up a string of a mop, other drama members picked up stones, flowers, bricks, plastics, take away plates, and banana peals etc.

I was the first to tell my story of the mop string and we were only given two minutes to prepare, this is how my story goes (I may not remember the exact words because it was a once off thing)...

My name is mop and this is my story, I am that abondoned being who now lays and watch the world go by, I only exist in my inner thoughts, people walk over me. dirt has become my best friend for we used to be enemies, when I used to matter. My siblings and I used to enjoy dancing to the tunes that our madam played when she would clean around the house. I have travelled, from birth... the manufacturing factory to the big super markets, moving in between the small spaza shops, I have been to the town houses, suburbs and kasi loctions. I have met all different kinds of people. The weak are the ones defeated. I am telling tales that bring joy, yet they are tearing me apart, because it is a matter of a used to be and a no loger. I am waiting to be swept away, to go and claim my new existence, I have no permanent place because I don't belong. so long my fellow mop strings, you shall hang in fences, lay on the grounds, find yourselves in dustbins, I will not be sad for I have served my purpose and therefore I am proud because I have made a difference.

                                                             ......

It's within you to grow and experience, nothing lasts forever, but a thing that is passed over, lives on. Make the most out of little things, and leave a legacy of knowledge, vision, belief and inpiration because you are never too young nor too old.

Back with a Bang

.... I have been struggling to login or use my blog for that matter. This is just a message to let YOU know that I am back, going to update and fill you in on what has been going on around me, my thoughts/views also facts about some aspects and other things going on around. Keep on checking for a post or two because there is so much to share.

Dancing feelings

I hear the sound that the silent people cannot hear, the beat moves with my heart, my mind starts to question... what is wrong with you? I don't respond, all I do is dance to my feelings.

My heart is the only instrument that understands the melody, my feet are just following, while my hands are just flowing in the air, my hair is swaying like the rivers of my home land, the Xhosa land.

If I understood what was going on I would be telling a story, the children would be surrounding me, listening, but now my feelings are just dancing.

The soul is so quiet, watching from a distance, only it can respond to what my mind is asking... it is silent because it is taught to do so, it is quiet because it was told to do so.

My feelings are dancing to what my heart is playing, if the music was sad then I'd be crying, if the music was happy then I'd be laughing, but I'm just trapped.

It's easier to unfold my hands, than to unfold my soul. Let the beats roll, and let the soul dance to the tunes until it learns to let go.

Moving on... Facing reality

One of those days when you sit and think to yourself, why does the clock have to tick all the time, that why don't things ever stop for a while. We often ask ourselves these things when we find ourselves dwelling in the past. A while ago when I was doing metric I met this friend, we got along so well, we shared memories and the best part was that we got to see each other everyday because of school. She could tell when something was bothering me when we would be laughing with the crowed she could tell if I'm not happy. She sensed many odd things when something has gone wrong. You meet someone for a year, and you are never going to see them again, it was our last year of school and we had to path and find ourselves into the new world outside high school. She kept on losing weight, but we thought it was just normal. After metric we spoke a few times, as time went by there were no more talks, or getting in touch. In almost two years, I hear from another friend of mine that she is sick and that she is losing more weight than before. I then hear that the cause of it all is cancer. I froze and felt guilty for not keeping in touch the whole time. Then finally I got the urge to just greet her via a social network, I tried to act as normal as possible. We continued having normal chats as though nothing is wrong. What had struck me the most is that this person doesn't have much time left, this person didn't tell me personally about the illness, and here I am pretending to be okay as if I know nothing. It brought me into tears, it amazed me how easily we found our friendship and how easily we let it slip away, but actually how difficult it is to let go. How I was afraid to ask "how are you?", knowing she is not well, knowing she is dying. I kept on asking myself that maybe she is too afraid to tell me about it, that she thinks I wouldn't handle the bad news well. Yet on the other side I kept thinking to myself that if I tell her I know she will get more sick because she will worry. But if you notice all I've said is "Me" "I", what about her? Who is there for her in this hard time? How is she coping with the fact that each day is slowly fading from her life? As I opened my year book (metric) I read the message she wrote there, how each word came to me rolling like a storm, how it hit me hard as though I was just in that moment when she wrote it. It is one thing to hear about someone's death (something that had happened) , it is totally another when they are in the process, and there is nothing you can do to help. All you do is to keep on praying, that is what our grandmothers and mothers have taught us. A little voice creeps out and just whispers that "there is always hope", as though the cancer will disappear. Knowing very well that all you can do is just be there for the person, show them love, and gratitude for adding a value in your life. Finding that strength to face them and helping them face the difficulties of this life. It then comes to mind that life is not cruel, it may be unfair at times, but it is just here to teach us, that every situation is a scenario, you must study it well. You just have to continue to make your goals and achieve them, knowing that you are also doing it for those who can't. Taking each opportunity with both hands. Moving on knowing it was/is never your fault, but nature intended it to be so. Being greatful for life.

World of Poetry

If I could wake up in a world of poetry
Never would I have to compare and complain
For it is plain clear
That we share the words of writing

IF I COULD Wake up in a world of poetry
Never would I fear
For I tear the history of my past
Without a tear touching my delicate chics

IF I COULD wake up in a world of poetry
Mistery wouldn't be history
For we would be dancing to different
Rhythms of misery

IF I COULD wake up in the world of poetry
The words would define peace
From those broken pieces
Of our vase's
That hold together lillies


By: Yamkela Sigwili

loss of July

Tomorrow on the 16th of July marks the day my grandmother left this world. I'm only saying grandmother to clearify, but that woman was my mother, never have I called her grandma. I was her first grand-daughter, and that makes me pround. The most painful part about death is having to replace words such "she is" with "she was". At first you are indenial, and consider a now. But then later along the way you start to learn to talk in past tense. The pain that takes over when I think of her. I know one thing for sure, she died a proud person, for she raised strong people. Multiple times have I failed to say or write anything about her. This is the first time. As she is resting and watching from above, I want her to know that she is dearly treasured. I wrote a personal poem for her  

MY GRANDMOTHER 

Lilly flower she named me
Planted in her hands
I was just a seed
Go on now bloom
My lilly flower 
Dazzle the world
I'm puzzled by such beauty
However I'm complete
The glass may break into pieces
But I shall mould you
Because you are a blessing
I sing the tunes about my lilly
I dance in the garden where I may guide you
Her voice and mine
In a valley 
Where her imagination ran
About her flower
My little lilly flower
She would say
Go on now bloom
Dazzle the world
I'm puzzled by such beauty
However I'm complete!
...................................................................... 
I miss her, words don't begin to describe the feeling. The joys I've had with her. Rest in peace mama wam.